Post by reapper411@SecretBP on Oct 8, 2012 2:17:52 GMT -5
Etry 2: (happy!)
So... REAP FINALLY GOT A TABLET!!
Its a Tursion TWA60 10" (i measured xD) My friend gave it to me
Entry 1: (rant like thing)
Well. So far i admit I haven't been here as much as i have been on deviantart due to many reasons that shall stay a mystery to all. sorry.
I have lost confidence in my art and myself one again, and I don't know if i can get it back this time.
I have been very depressed, though i try to make myself laugh. I have recently went to a party at my moms bff's house. There were tons of teens and tons of cute boys! But sadly, they all bullied me away and so i hid in the living room watching the stupid TV. I was finally excited when my mom's other friend Christina offered me a ride home, my excuse was that i have to do a lesson tomorrow (b/c i do).
I'm so sick of feeling so lonely, so unwanted and so unworthy of life. Sadly the only thing keeping me living is my horse, lord knows what would happen to her i i were to actually kill myself. She would probably be sold and not ever thought of again by my family, who also seem to not give a darn about me :C
My dad went out of town again for two weeks. TWO FRICKING WEEKS! Again! He had only been home for 2 1/2 days! And he doesn't even come to tell me good bye :C no. He tells my mom, he tells my brothers, but he just left me there, feeling so unwanted. Everytime i think about it i cry. I wish they would understand. I wish just SOMEBODY in rl would understand me and not just call me an attention hog.
Because of these events, I have had 5 emotional melt downs in school this past week. it was so embarrassing and I know everybody was laughing about it afterwards, b/c i do have ears, and i can hear them laughing as they pass by me. As they write about it on the walls of the bathrooms. As the talk about it at lunch. i am just the girl thats the easy target. I try to act tough but it is not enough. My truck cannot get me away from that school fast enough. I can't get out of this place fast enough. I cannot wait until i get to college and take my horse with me. I just wish i could just run away right now. run with the wind and nothing stopping me. Sadly i cannot do this. I could not possibly survive on just faith and rebellion alone. I have no cash. I have no where to go. The police would just chase me down, and make me go back. My parents would only scream at me, and I will only feel trapped again. I just wish there was a way out.
I just want a way out.
So... REAP FINALLY GOT A TABLET!!
Its a Tursion TWA60 10" (i measured xD) My friend gave it to me
Entry 1: (rant like thing)
Well. So far i admit I haven't been here as much as i have been on deviantart due to many reasons that shall stay a mystery to all. sorry.
I have lost confidence in my art and myself one again, and I don't know if i can get it back this time.
I have been very depressed, though i try to make myself laugh. I have recently went to a party at my moms bff's house. There were tons of teens and tons of cute boys! But sadly, they all bullied me away and so i hid in the living room watching the stupid TV. I was finally excited when my mom's other friend Christina offered me a ride home, my excuse was that i have to do a lesson tomorrow (b/c i do).
I'm so sick of feeling so lonely, so unwanted and so unworthy of life. Sadly the only thing keeping me living is my horse, lord knows what would happen to her i i were to actually kill myself. She would probably be sold and not ever thought of again by my family, who also seem to not give a darn about me :C
My dad went out of town again for two weeks. TWO FRICKING WEEKS! Again! He had only been home for 2 1/2 days! And he doesn't even come to tell me good bye :C no. He tells my mom, he tells my brothers, but he just left me there, feeling so unwanted. Everytime i think about it i cry. I wish they would understand. I wish just SOMEBODY in rl would understand me and not just call me an attention hog.
Because of these events, I have had 5 emotional melt downs in school this past week. it was so embarrassing and I know everybody was laughing about it afterwards, b/c i do have ears, and i can hear them laughing as they pass by me. As they write about it on the walls of the bathrooms. As the talk about it at lunch. i am just the girl thats the easy target. I try to act tough but it is not enough. My truck cannot get me away from that school fast enough. I can't get out of this place fast enough. I cannot wait until i get to college and take my horse with me. I just wish i could just run away right now. run with the wind and nothing stopping me. Sadly i cannot do this. I could not possibly survive on just faith and rebellion alone. I have no cash. I have no where to go. The police would just chase me down, and make me go back. My parents would only scream at me, and I will only feel trapped again. I just wish there was a way out.
I just want a way out.
